Single on Purpose by John Kim – 12 Lessons

Single on Purpose

Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First by John Kim is a refreshing self-help book that encourages readers to embrace singlehood as a time for self-discovery and growth. It’s not about finding the right partner; it’s about finding yourself first. Kim draws from his experiences as a therapist and life coach to outline important principles that help individuals redefine their understanding of being single, focusing on self-love, personal development, and emotional healing. Below are the lessons discussed in the book:

Single on Purpose

Read: The Happiness Project

1. Embrace Singlehood as an Opportunity

One of the core lessons in Single on Purpose is that being single should be seen as a positive phase, not as a lack or void in one’s life. John Kim encourages readers to embrace this period as an opportunity to reconnect with themselves, away from the pressures of relationships. Being single allows you to step back and assess your needs, desires, and goals without the distraction of a partner.

  • Key takeaway: Use your time alone to understand who you are and what you want from life, without the influence of others. Focus on cultivating a sense of purpose beyond relationship status.

2. Redefine Your Self-Worth

Kim emphasizes that many people base their self-worth on their relationship status or their partner’s approval. In Single on Purpose, he stresses that your value does not depend on being in a relationship. It’s about finding self-worth internally, through self-respect, self-care, and self-compassion.

  • Key takeaway: Your worth is intrinsic. Stop seeking validation from external sources, such as romantic partners. Instead, work on nurturing a deep sense of self-worth from within.

3. Build a Life Around Your Passions

One of the “laws” that Kim highlights is the importance of building a life around what excites and fulfills you. Too often, individuals get caught up in relationships at the expense of their own passions and interests. In singlehood, Kim advises, focus on cultivating your hobbies, dreams, and goals.

  • Key takeaway: Pursue your interests with zeal and invest in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. This will help you build a more meaningful life that is defined by passion, not just relationships.

4. Break Free from Social Expectations

Society often pushes the idea that happiness and success are linked to being in a romantic relationship. Kim challenges this mindset, urging readers to free themselves from societal pressures. Being single should not be viewed as “waiting” for the next relationship but as a valid and empowering choice.

  • Key takeaway: Resist societal norms that suggest singlehood is inferior. Redefine success and happiness on your own terms, and focus on living a life that’s true to you, rather than following conventional expectations.

5. Heal from Past Relationships

Single on Purpose also encourages individuals to use their time being single to heal from past wounds. Kim stresses that moving from one relationship to another without taking time to heal only perpetuates emotional baggage. True growth happens when you allow yourself the space to heal and reflect on past experiences.

  • Key takeaway: Take time to heal from past heartbreaks, trauma, or emotional baggage. Understanding and processing your emotional pain is essential for personal growth and future healthy relationships.

6. Practice Self-Love and Self-Compassion

Kim believes that being single offers the perfect opportunity to practice self-love and self-compassion. Instead of criticizing yourself for being single or feeling “not enough,” embrace this phase as a time to shower yourself with kindness and care.

  • Key takeaway: Focus on nurturing self-compassion. Treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend, and remember that self-love is the foundation for all other forms of love.

7. Foster Authentic Relationships

While the book focuses on the benefits of being single, it also touches on the importance of fostering authentic relationships with others, whether they are friendships, family bonds, or professional connections. Authenticity in relationships is key to a fulfilling life, and Kim emphasizes the value of connecting with people who support your growth.

  • Key takeaway: Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth and well-being. Authentic relationships provide emotional nourishment and should be built on mutual respect and understanding.

8. Let Go of the Fear of Being Alone

One of the biggest fears people have about being single is the fear of loneliness. Kim addresses this by encouraging readers to confront and embrace their aloneness. He teaches that there is a significant difference between being alone and being lonely. Learning to enjoy your own company is a crucial part of the journey toward self-fulfillment.

  • Key takeaway: Don’t run from being alone. Instead, learn to cherish solitude as a space for reflection, growth, and self-care. True contentment comes from being at peace with yourself.

9. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Yourself

In Single on Purpose, John Kim stresses the importance of setting boundaries to protect your emotional and mental health. When you are single, you have the opportunity to establish healthy boundaries in your life that prioritize your needs and desires.

  • Key takeaway: Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. Learn to say no to people and situations that drain you, and focus on preserving your well-being.

10. Discover What You Really Want

When you’re not tied to a relationship, you have the freedom to explore what you truly want in life. Kim encourages readers to take time to ask themselves deep questions about their future, their values, and what brings them joy.

  • Key takeaway: Use singlehood to clarify your life’s purpose. This phase of self-exploration allows you to determine what you truly want in relationships, career, and personal life.

11. Stop Searching for “The One”

Kim argues that the constant search for “The One” often distracts people from focusing on themselves. In Single on Purpose, he advises readers to stop obsessing over finding the perfect partner and instead shift their focus toward becoming the best version of themselves.

  • Key takeaway: Stop chasing external fulfillment in the form of a romantic partner. Instead, turn inward and work on personal growth. When you are fulfilled and happy within yourself, healthy relationships will follow naturally.

12. Embrace Growth and Change

The final major law in the book is about embracing growth and change. Kim points out that personal growth is not linear, and being single provides the perfect space for transformation. You have the freedom to experiment, evolve, and redefine your identity.

  • Key takeaway: Singlehood is a time for growth and self-reinvention. Embrace change and allow yourself to evolve into the person you’re meant to be, without the constraints of relationship expectations.

Conclusion

Single on Purpose by John Kim offers profound insights into the importance of embracing singlehood as an opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and self-love. Through his experience as a therapist, Kim redefines singlehood not as a transitional phase but as a valuable and empowering period in one’s life. The book encourages readers to break free from societal expectations, heal from past relationships, and build a fulfilling life based on passion, purpose, and authenticity (Amazon).

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