1. Say Less, Ask More: The Essence of Coaching
Michael Bungay Stanier’s core message in “The Coaching Habit” is that effective coaching is less about giving advice and more about asking insightful questions. He argues that leaders often fall into the habit of giving too many instructions, which limits growth and empowerment in others. By focusing on asking the right questions, leaders can help their teams think critically, solve problems on their own, and develop skills. This approach allows employees to become more self-reliant and creative in their solutions.
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2. The Seven Essential Coaching Questions
The book is structured around seven powerful questions designed to provoke thought and stimulate meaningful conversations. These questions help leaders cut through unnecessary talk and get to the core of issues quickly, facilitating a deeper understanding and more productive coaching sessions. The seven questions are:
- The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”
This question opens up the conversation and gets straight to what matters most. It allows the person being coached to bring up the most pressing issue and shifts the focus to their concerns, making the coaching session more relevant. - The AWE Question: “And what else?”
After hearing the initial response, this follow-up question invites further reflection and encourages the other person to dig deeper. According to Stanier, people’s first answers are rarely their only thoughts, and this question helps explore additional perspectives or hidden layers to the issue. - The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
This question helps the conversation move from general discussion to specific challenges. It prevents the conversation from becoming scattered and narrows it down to the core issue, ensuring that time is spent addressing the most important problem. - The Foundation Question: “What do you want?”
Asking this question forces the person to clarify their goals and expectations. It’s easy for conversations to revolve around complaints or vague problems, but by focusing on what the person actually wants to achieve, it provides direction and actionable steps. - The Lazy Question: “How can I help?”
This question helps the leader avoid assuming what kind of help the person needs. It empowers the coachee to clearly articulate what support they are seeking and prevents the leader from jumping in too quickly with their own solutions or advice. - The Strategic Question: “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
Stanier encourages leaders to help their team members understand the trade-offs of their decisions. This question emphasizes the importance of focus and prioritization, as saying yes to one thing often means saying no to something else. It helps coachees make more conscious and intentional choices. - The Learning Question: “What was most useful for you?”
This reflective question is asked at the end of the conversation to help the coachee internalize key takeaways. It encourages learning and self-awareness by asking them to think about what they found most valuable, reinforcing the coaching process’s impact.
3. The Importance of Building Habits
A significant theme in “The Coaching Habit” is the power of habits in leadership and coaching. Stanier argues that developing the habit of asking questions, rather than defaulting to advice-giving, requires deliberate practice. To help leaders build this habit, he recommends focusing on small behavioral changes over time. By integrating coaching questions into regular conversations, leaders can gradually become more effective coaches.
4. Taming the Advice Monster
Stanier introduces the concept of the “Advice Monster”—a tendency for leaders to immediately offer advice when someone presents a problem. While offering advice can feel helpful, it often limits the coachee’s growth and problem-solving abilities. Stanier suggests that leaders tame their Advice Monster by resisting the urge to give solutions and, instead, create space for the coachee to find their own answers. This approach fosters independence, creativity, and ownership.
5. Empowering Others to Think for Themselves
One of the key lessons in “The Coaching Habit” is that coaching is about empowering others to think for themselves. By asking thoughtful questions rather than offering solutions, leaders enable their team members to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills. This, in turn, leads to more capable and confident employees who are better equipped to handle challenges independently. Over time, this approach helps cultivate a culture of ownership and accountability within the organization.
6. Staying Curious Longer
Stanier emphasizes the importance of staying curious for as long as possible during coaching conversations. Leaders often jump too quickly to conclusions or solutions, cutting short the coachee’s thought process. By staying curious and asking more questions, leaders can help uncover deeper insights and encourage more thoughtful decision-making. Curiosity allows for a richer exploration of issues and helps the person being coached to arrive at solutions that are more aligned with their needs and goals.
7. Listening More, Talking Less
Effective coaching requires active listening, which means focusing fully on the coachee without interrupting or steering the conversation too quickly. Stanier points out that leaders often dominate conversations, unintentionally stifling the other person’s voice. By asking open-ended questions and listening more, leaders can create a safe space for their team members to express themselves fully, leading to better insights and stronger relationships.
8. The Power of Pausing
Another key lesson in “The Coaching Habit” is the power of pausing during conversations. Pausing gives the coachee time to think and reflect on the questions being asked. Stanier explains that silence often encourages deeper thinking and allows the person to process their thoughts more clearly. Leaders should embrace the discomfort of silence and give their team members the space they need to arrive at meaningful conclusions.
9. Creating a Culture of Learning and Growth
Stanier advocates for leaders to create a culture of learning and growth within their teams. By focusing on asking questions, promoting self-awareness, and fostering critical thinking, leaders can help their employees grow both personally and professionally. This approach shifts the leader’s role from being a problem-solver to a facilitator of growth, which ultimately benefits the entire organization by developing a more capable and innovative workforce.
10. Making Coaching a Habit, Not a Task
Stanier emphasizes that coaching should not be seen as an occasional event, but rather as a daily habit integrated into leadership practice. By asking coaching questions in everyday conversations, leaders can continuously support their team’s development and foster an environment of ongoing learning. The book highlights that coaching isn’t about holding formal sessions; it’s about building a habit of curiosity, asking questions, and empowering others in every interaction.
11. The Art of Simplification
One of the book’s core messages is to keep coaching simple. Leaders often overcomplicate their coaching efforts by trying to incorporate too many techniques or complex frameworks. Stanier encourages readers to focus on asking just a few powerful questions rather than overloading conversations with too much guidance or direction. Simplicity leads to clarity and helps both the coach and the coachee stay focused on what truly matters (Amazon).
